She was barely seventeen and had seen more pain than most. But when he looked into her eyes, all he saw there was gratitude.
Romeo and Juliet
They were best friends forever, till they died in an accident. And then, they lived happily ever after.
Babies
Babies scream and wave their arms so much because they’re just in an infinite reincarnation loop, living their own lives over and over again.
Or it’s because they’ve just been pushed out of a vagina I don’t know.
Obsession
He came dangerously close to destroying his world by continuously rebuilding it around hers. But in the blindness of devotion and obsession, the blindness of love, he could not see the falling night of his sanity and freedom.
Look
You know that cute look I get on my face when we have just had sex?
I’m actually trying to use mind-power to travel back in time, away from you, forever.
Playa
I gotta warn you baby, I’m a playa.
Rwoll with some monopoly, yo.
First date
The movie that describes our first date.
Interview with the Vampire.
Robot goldfish
My little robot goldfish runs on really tiny batteries.
They’re like AAAAAAAA or something.
Summoning
Master of Osiris, keeper of the gate, she who was here before us, the dark that has no name, the fire that burns, the chaos that echoes, we summon you to do our bidding.
I want a ham sandwich.
Uninvited Guests
Jumping impossibly high and skipping all over their new habitat, they would stop only to quench their thirst.
They found this new habitat warm and inviting; that is, until the dog dislodged them with several well-placed kicks and scratches.
Lessons to learn
“It was free dad, how could I say no?” asked the foolishly curious child.
“When he asked you if you would rather pay by cash or cheque may have been an appropriate cue,” replied the typically angry father.
Justice
Bring me my socks of justice.
Bring me my pants of truth!
Lesson
I once got to sleep with someone because when we first met I had the flu and I totally ignored her.
Learn from this, my son.
A man
I keep seeing a man outside my window. He’s inside my house now, watching me.
A man
I keep seeing a man outside my window. He’s inside my house now, watching me.
Prediction
In the end things were so bitter between us we couldn’t stand to be in the same room.
A prediction for the future.
ManBearWolf
Legend has it that there was once a creature so awesome and epic that whenever it opened its mighty maw to roar, volcanoes would erupt, tsunamis would break the coasts, and the earth would tremble. But this was no mere creature, for it was part man, part bear, and part wolf, and went by the name of ManBearWolf.
Cave
Men, go home to your wives and tell them the truth.
We tired of all our striving; we want to go back to the cave.
Success and happiness
I wonder if you were successful would you be happy?
Does the first depend on the second?
Twins
My son was tucked in bed when he asked me to check under the bed. When I checked, my son was down there, and said that someone was on the bed