Two Sentence Stories

Sometimes I look at you and I just want to fuck you raw.
Oh, America, you dirty little tramp, you love it.

Oh, Christmas is here.
Fuck.

Love me and then fuck me.
Or the other way around, I don’t mind.

Just face the facts and realise that mortality will bend you over and fuck you hard.
The best you can hope is that it will be gentle, and possibly that it will involve lubricant.

My girlfriend said I fuck just like her ex-boyfriend.
Good move, soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend!

Looking back on the offer, I should have really taken it.
Sure I would have got fucked over by that teacher but I would have got the grades to get into a really good university course.

Before we were married I once tied her up, blindfolded her and fucked her hard.
More confessions I’ll never tell my wife.

Life is an adventure so dangerous it will cost you your life.
Otherwise, what the fuck are you here for?

May I be excused?
I’ve got to go fuck up my life with no direction for the next thirty years.

Somewhere out there is a girl who will one day ask me to fuck her.
I wonder what she is doing right now?