Two Sentence Stories

My girlfriend said I fuck just like her ex-boyfriend.
Good move, soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend!

I will never love you more than my girlfriend when I was little.
I will never love you more than now.

My friend dived deeply into his girlfriend’s relationship and I hardly saw him again.
By relationship I mean “vagina”.

Three insane ideas really rule my life.
Never go back to someone who has rejected you, making your own t-shirts is interesting to girls, getting fat once you have a girlfriend is ok.

I cry when I remember the walk to Scarborough Beach.
I cry for the loss.

After I lost my girlfriend, my job, my hair and the washing machine blew up, there was only one thing to do.
Lube up, baby and let’s fuck our way outta trouble!

I’m limping because last night I stood on some shards of broken dreams.
They are scattered on my bedroom floor along with my self-respect, bottles of girlfriend tears and lost hopes crumpled and stained.

I overheard my girlfriend’s conversation about me.
At first I thought she was talking about her new mobile phone.

He always answered the question “Do you have a girlfriend” truthfully with “No, but I sometimes have other men’s girlfriends”.
Each and every single girl laughed and tapped his shoulder and foolishly failed to think it through.

Look, I’m having a little trouble trying to concentrate on your marketing presentation.
Just over an hour ago I was cock deep in my girlfriend and I can still smell her on my fingers (plus you are SO boring it’s not funny).