You know she is the one for me so you’re just going to have to get over it.
I don’t care little dog – she is staying!
Tag: relationship
Holiday
I went to the pier today.
It reminded me of Perth, of sun, of love, of food, of champagne, of sex, of falafel, and of you, asleep with damp hair, mid-afternoon.
Harper Valley Redux
Nobody really liked her; however, that didn’t stop her from sashaying (like a cat in heat) out onto the stage, wearing the tightest, shortest (Harper Valley PTA sleazy) hooker red dress we – or probably anyone else for that matter – had ever seen, to accept (without any reservations) the award for teacher of the year. Of course, the pubescent young men present erupted into thunderous applause, dog woofs, and whistling (a sound akin to what happens when someone scores a touchdown at the Superbowl), while the girls and adults – totally embarrassed by this flagrant sexual display – sat silent with looks of disdain and arms folded as she stepped up to the microphone and said,
“I want to thank you all for this honor, which I could not have possibly imagined that I would win; however, I cannot accept it, and would like at this time, to present it to my friend and colleague, Mary White, who is a better teacher, better person, better dresser (greeted by snorts and laughter) and is not having an affair with the principal,”
and, this being said, then handed the plaque to Mrs. White (who had been runner up), turned and walked out of the auditorium, which had fallen into complete and utter silence.
Reply
You think our last conversation took place on your bed when we both agreed to “end it”.
It actually took place three weeks earlier when I said I loved you and you hesitated with your reply.
Spell
She thinks I’m under her spell.
Foolish foolish foolish.
Fucking
There were two great things about all the fucking we did.
The first was that it left no time for serious relationship talk and the second was, well, the fucking.
My Little Pony
I must be strong.
She can’t know how much I miss her.
Found things
I cleaned my room and found many of the things you had left behind.
My self-respect wasn’t amongst them.
Do this thing
Ok, I’m here and I am ready to distract you from the fact that you’re well into your twenties with absolutely nothing to show for it.
Let’s do this thing, baby!
Raincheck
Ok, I said we should take a raincheck.
I didn’t mean for us to have this ten-year drought!
Incandescent Love
As his lips traced the softness of her neck, he whispered to her kindred soul, a fire was lit. Such incandescence, the winter cold had no hope, the wind was useless, outlasted by a simple love, a love so speechless.
Advice
We slept together twice, in case you’ve forgotten.
Maybe you should stop asking my advice on your next doomed relationship.
Clarity
As we adjusted the painting, her shouting directions and me vainly trying to follow them, I had a sudden blinding flash of clarity about our entire relationship.
I think she only went out with me because sometimes from the side I look a little like Steve Martin and she really loves all his movies.
Saturn
You were not my Sun or my Earth.
You weren’t even my Saturn.
Oh the Irony
In therapy, my husband shared that he’s been having the same dream every night for a year, of a beautiful stranger who tells him she loves him, and bakes delicious cupcakes.
I met the real her at the local bakery today and we’re going away together this weekend; he’s going to be so pissed.
Hid
I hid the cash in the drawer, knowing you would search for it and then steal it.
I wish our relationship was better so when you needed something you could ask and when you asked, I would give.
Might
I haven’t taken down your photos or thrown away your clothes or tipped out your perfume.
I think you still might come back.
Truthfully
He always answered the question “Do you have a girlfriend” truthfully with “No, but I sometimes have other men’s girlfriends”.
Each and every single girl laughed and tapped his shoulder and foolishly failed to think it through.
Rule
My foolish rule to never sleep with a girl unless I think there will be a relationship.
In five hundred years it will all be so meaningless.
Boring
As she talked, I fell asleep.
Relationship status conversations are boooooring.