I was shouting: “I am still alive!” but the pathologist could not hear my muffled voice.
Lookin Good
I asked the plastic surgeon to trim out anything that didn’t make me look good. Apparently he didn’t like my eyes.
Heading Home
She had called the police on the man that had pulled into her driveway right behind her with his brights blazing into her back window. The cops came and pulled a man with a knife out of my backseat so I guess he was doing me a favor.
Twenty seconds to go
Horror in the final seconds of the finals of the European Basketball Championship. There goes Brad, holding the ball, dribbling and making the most important decision of his career when his team is losing by one point.
Two sentence stories
An active writer submits bad and even worse stories to TwoSentenceStories.com. He feels frustrated when he finds out he cannot find older entries because there is no search form.
Take it or leave it #2
I went out with the “lady” who said she would do anything for me for money. We talked all day and all night but I never made the final move on her – knowing she was HIV positive.
Take it or leave it
I was pretty drunk and so was everybody around me when a woman came to me to offer her services for money. I told her I can’t because I am HIV positive. She did not even blink and said: so am I.
Knock Knock
I heard a knocking at the door one time. It was certainly strange, since I no longer had ears.
The Accident
I sat there with my giblets hung around my neck like a scarf, one eye swinging out and my arms just blood pumping stumps, all he said was.
“Are you alright mate?”
If you stay long enough you get what you don’t want
I was actually getting sober after a long night out with friends when a man came up to me offering cannabis. Had I waited for a little longer I would have never bought the grass that would change my life.
Help me out
A friend of mine had been speaking for hours about serious issues in his life asking for advice from all people present. We all sent him to hell when he revealed that he had actually had a solution for his troubles.
The witness
He was a policeman doing his usual duty to stand among a bunch of other policemen in front of a see-through mirror. His blood froze when he was identified as the culprit even though he was in service on the day of the crime.
Goodbye
I turned to look at you as you looked back at me. With tears long gone, life went on and the memories will always be.
Is there a God?
Old Prayers will spring to the unbelievers’ lips. But not until the Fallen Angel has taken him as his own.
Clean Windows
Why is it that no matter how much I clean the windows, I can never see out of my daughter’s room?
Green Glow
Her eyes used to glow like a traffic light, but now they burn shadows at the other side of the lake. Should I jump in and swim across, or let myself drown like Jay?
good roommates
Laura and John had been living together for almost 6 month. Tonight, when Laura saw the bloody footprints leading up to her attic, was the first time she realized she had a roommate.
tornado alley
I saw the tornado warning on tv so i decided to wait it out in my storm cellar. They say that an approaching tornado sounds like a freight train, this one sounded like boards being nailed right against the cellar door.
dinner in the fridge
I came home late from work and ate the delicious steak my girlfriend had left for me in the fridge. When I went to our bedroom, I saw her bloody, lifeless body on our bed, with a chunk missing from her thigh.
Water, water, everywhere…
It will always be cloudy, but never will it rain. Your sins become you as you receive your righteous reward.